Yo-yo people...

People in general amaze me. Lately I have realized most people are like yo-yo's. Now they're up, then they're down. They can't seem to decide what level they are on. It is very annoying because the rest of us can't be too sure where we stand!

Personally I find it easier to avoid switching. When I choose to befriend someone, That's it! I will be loyal until the very end and no matter what I expect that loyalty to be returned. If it is not returned I will immediately withdraw my friendship without a second glance back. I feel it makes everyone's lives less complicated, Especially mine!

I guess that's why so many people are drawn to Facebook, "It's complicated!"
Nothing in life is complicated. People CHOOSE to complicate life. More interested in being fake and putting up a front. When anything happens in their lives, they quickly  run to social media to upload a post. No one cares that your toddler has "passed" preschool. WOW, what an achievement! I would be interested if anyone could possibly fail...
Why would anyone feel the need to advertise every aspect of their personal lives. I feel the only people who deserve to know more detailed information about your life is the people who interact with you often, Not necessarily daily.

I don't get the logic in posting pictures sitting at work. Who has time to take pictures when you are at work? Most people go and do their jobs. Not to Take A Selfie. How sad and pathetic your life must be that you need a job to brag about! I mean, really now, so many people are truly desperate for work. While other idiots decide, " Hey I'm bored, I need a job". Then those are the very same ones who can't grasp basic English! I'm no genius, yet I can make a basic sentence.

I give my best to others, then they can still return around and bad mouth me. Quite frankly, I'm so over it! So now I focus on me and mine. At this point those people who hurt and offend me should be grateful I ignore them instead of telling them how I truly feel. It would definitely provide relief for my own spirit, not so much for them.

How about these 'parents' who brag about their offspring, yet they are too busy/tired to deal with them. I see the parents are kitted up, looking fly. While the children look like they've escaped an orphanage. I simple don't get it. I would sacrifice myself for my children in a heart beat, whether it's food or clothing. How do you have children, yet feel that your partner outranks them! Those poor kids, I can't imagine anything worse than being maybe second in my own moms eyes! I imagine that would be the ultimate rejection.

  

Crushed spirit

Funny how people view each other. No one stops and thinks how their actions and/or words affect others. They don't realize just how easy it can be to break someone's spirit. Especially when that person is already at breaking point. They assume things are all hunky dory with that person simply because they happen not to be whinny cows. I realize now how messed up life can be. Even if you give your all to people they will turn around and utterly crush you, as if your nothing.

We're all different, I get that, How do you expect people to believe you care about them, when you can't be bothered by how they feel. Why are people amused by others failures and fears. Don't act like you're immune. We all feel pain. Which I suppose is a good thing. It is a reminder that we are alive, but how alive can you be when you feel numb for the most part of life. It is easy to tune out feelings, esp when majority of them are completely crushing to the person experiencing those feelings.

I don't remember when last I sang from the pit of my stomach, danced until my body ached, Laughed until my face and stomach hurt.

I guess I am now getting tired of the weight I am constantly carrying. Tried speaking to people they were kind enough to point out I am always negative. Obviously that's what it is. My negativity! Has nothing to do with when I do for others I'm wonderful. Then when things are good in their lives, they reject me. Has nothing to do with how people laugh at me or belittle me. No. It's clearly all me, as I control how others perceive and respond to me.

For years I've been told I am too hard. I need to let go. Open up. Allow people in. So far all I have received from that, is heartbreak.
The strangest part about all of this is how those very people can turn around and remind me how they are hurting. Silly of me to think I would or should matter.

Oh... let's not forget how "I need to learn to be selfish, stop putting others ahead of myself". Funny, some of those "caring" people don't take time out from their busy lives to stop and attempt to connect to me. Check in whether I am okay? Well... can't blame them, They've got their own problems. Why would I matter when it does not benefit them?

One thing I am certain of, is that I am tired. Often I am convinced that no longer existing would be better than living broken.
All I have in this world is my family and my kids. They need me. So I keep quiet an go on.
Living a life where you only exist is a complete waste. I need to figure this out. For mine and my children's sake.

Book Review; Traces of I by Tracy Kiss

I thoroughly enjoyed this book started reading it the afternoon, ended up having burnt food. I enjoy books that are gripping .

This book is for all woman, moms and teenager girls maybe boys too. This definitely applies to everyone.
The lady in this book was 100% relatable. I'm certain many woman will read this book and see aspects of themselves in it. It shows us that woman from different cultures and backgrounds have similar experiences in life, love and how we view ourselves. Too often us as woman go through experiences and feel completely alone. This story proves that we're more alike than we know. It's very important who we allow into our lives and choose to share our lives with. It is even more important to be the most important person in our own lives. No one is above you.

April (the main character) goes through so many experiences all at the same time. She is dealing with numerous personal battles that hit her unexpectedly. My heart bled for her as she was fighting to find a better version of herself. As woman it is so important to know our worth and value. Regardless how others perceive us. I was captivated by this story. Eager to see how April would approach each situation. This story takes you into her mind, how life and people affect us all. What defines us. The battles we all go through within ourselves.

April might seem like a total mess to others, personally I have often wondered about the very questions she asks. The complexities of relationships. The emotions involved in two people sharing one life and how they are affected by each other.

I suppose the moral of the story is about loving oneself, regardless how others may perceive you. Your own happiness must come before all others. Those who truly love you who will stand by and support you no matter what. Those who don't, don't belong in your life. All we need to find is self acceptance and self preservation.

Get your very own copy at Amazon. So you can walk along with April as she searches for answers on who she is and who she needs to be.  The transformations she goes through in her search for personal happiness. 

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/27881102-traces-of-i" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px"><img border="0" alt="Traces Of I" src="https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1448261686m/27881102.jpg" /></a><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/27881102-traces-of-i">Traces Of I</a> by <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/14254930.Tracy_Kiss">Tracy Kiss</a><br/>

My rating: <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1457831996">5 of 5 stars</a><br /><br />

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<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/33597218-abigail">View all my reviews</a>

Delayed South Africa

This is a short blog...

As usual South Africa has a lot of catching up to do. I have started blogging as a means to communicate with the outside world.

This concept is foreign to many South Africans. I have received many different opinions. Most people seem to think I am doing this for attention. Others feel it's childish and a waste of time. I have decided to do this because I actually enjoy it. I love the fact that I can sit at home and still reach so many people from different countries. I wish others could see the joys and possibilities in it.

I am hopeful that this will one day bare fruit and grow into something amazing. Until then I am quite grateful that I do this and receive enjoyment out of it. This is the one thing that I possess that is all mine. There is no need to consider anyone.

Being a stay-at-home mom is difficult as is. It has many limitations, and lots of people to consider. I  appreciate having this outlet.

It saddens me when I think that so many people are unaware as to the wonders of the internet. A lot of people see the bad only, they refuse to see all that one can achieved by simply using this tool. Many people around the world are using this to make millions. Yet South Africans fail to see this.
hopefully in the near future they will see it too.

Most people in this country are too busy minding everyone else business. That why they fail to make anything of their own lives. So the only people to blame for their sad lives are themselves.

The other reason I blog is that this provides me with the platform to be myself completely. To say whatever I feel to be true. Of course I expect people to judge me but that is none of my business.
The most important thing in life is to be true to oneself. Do what makes you happy regardless what others think. If that does upset others, that's just a bonus!!!



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Life of a mom at home

I have been quiet lately, as I have been busy looking into a few work from home options. Mostly surveys and PTC. These have been time consuming and slow. I didn't expect anything different. Though recently I have been feeling like I need more. So much needs to be done financially and slow and steady just wont work.

I could finally have found what I've been looking for, not yet sure. I have to admit, thus far I have tried a few options. All sorts of lies and empty promises, that out of desperation, I found myself falling for them. Of course I obviously have doubts. Unfortunately these things require money. So at some point we find ourselves scooping money out anyways. It's difficult, being a parent who wants to provide all that we never had for our children.  

Without any doubt I intend on continuing with the surveys and PTC options. They keep me busy, and I am curious to see how they pan out.

The most important thing in life is to always do your best, and find what makes you happy. Sad thing for myself, is that I am still to find out what that is. I find myself in a situation where I still don't know where I belong, nor what I should do. I have tried many different options. They were not for me. Currently I personally feel that working from home would suit me best. Not interested in the 9 to 5 options. Also, working from home, means I still get to play a major role in my family's lives. I can go visit family whenever the mood strikes me, and make sure my children are taken care of. I don't trust anyone else with that task.

There most certainly are ways to make money from home. That is the reason I have not given up. How can I give up when I am so close?

You are closest to your dreams when you finally have nothing more to lose. I have now reached that point. Hit rock bottom, yet for some reason I have not yet given up. I still see the light at the end of the tunnel. Normally at this point I would have long given up. This time around I know that I am so close, that giving up is no option. That knowledge is exciting and scary. It's good that even when people are looking at me and see hopelessness I can still find my light.

No matter what you may find yourself in. It is never too late. We are all different and things are set out for us at different times. I am learning to be okay with that. I feel it is better for me to cut myself off from others. Having to listen to them drudge on about their sad and pathetic lives is draining and none of my business. Also those annoying braggers who feel the world revolves around them.  They tend to bring you down and suck the good and positive about of you.

Don't give up, as long as you're still running the race is not over!

Be your own best friend

How often do we wake up and realize we have been neglecting ourselves. We're so busy giving and doing for everyone else, that doing anything for yourself seems near impossible. I have tried on numerous occasions to put me first, (has not yet worked out in my favor).

I know so many other women who find themselves in this same predicament. Once we become responsible for our loved ones, that becomes our soul purpose in life. So many discussions are brought up about how unhealthy this type of lifestyle can be. Even with that knowledge, breaking out of that habit seems so far out of reach.

I am aware that there are woman who are capable of separating their personal lives from their family lives. So that means it is achievable. I am in absolute awe of them, hopefully I can get to that point myself.
Every time I've attempted, I found myself drowning in guilt. I'd beat myself up for neglecting my responsibilities. Then feel guilty about thinking of putting my needs first, for not following through and achieving my goals. For even considering putting myself ahead of the others. Jumbled emotions that swell inside to the point of near explosion. Can't do that either, it might upset everyone else.

Lately I have realized the kids are growing up, where would that leave me?
Fortunately blogging has provided me with an outlet to blurt out these thoughts of randomness. I have sat down tried to think of things I used to enjoy, I now find those things bore me.

I suppose the other side to my issues are my past. Constantly being reminded of my failures, hearing I'm a bad parent. Being blamed for everything that possibly could go wrong in life. I could be holding onto that as some sort of crutch and reminder to never let go. That I should be readily available for everyone, but myself.

It doesn't help having the knowledge that so many people outside are capable of harming our kids, then people have the audacity to call that paranoia. How does it make you paranoid when these disturbing stories are true? As a parent, our job is to protect our children. Which means, being alert to any and all possible dangers. Can't trust just anyone with our most prized possessions.

I used to be the type of person that did my own thing. No one could make me do anything I didn't want to. These days I seem to fall for any sob story, because of my nature I make it an absolute nightmare for those who force me to do what I don't want to. As I start feeling angry that they try to steal my free will. so that makes me bitter.

I am starting to see that I do matter. I need to take better care of me, regardless how anyone else feels about my choices. If they choose to have my choices affect them, then that's on them not me.

Love yourself and enjoy your own company. Be your own best friend!

Time to grow up.

Life in South Africa

Wow...
What a country to live in. The things we tolerate in this country in ridiculous.

Our beloved E-Toll.
How did they think that would make sense? No one is going to pay to drive on their own roads. Seriously, these roads have been around longer than most of us have been alive. So why should we pay to use them? Most people have decide to completely boycott this process. They do have a valid point. To top this off, when this came out they offered people the choice. To sign up or not. No one in their right mind would choose to sign up to support government anymore than we already have. I spoke to numerous people who are furious at this.

Now we have to deal with power and water outages too. I wonder often is this South Africa or Somalia? We are not used to this. Now each household needs to make alternate plans for the power and water outages. Kind of makes sense for people to choose to relocate. Living here becomes more and more of a disadvantage. How are we too contend with the top dog countries at this rate. We can't even provide our own country with the basics. Seems now like once a week (or if we're lucky a month) we have lights out. This is not okay. Especially the households with elderly and/or babies. The rest of us can get by fine. Not those two groups. Thankfully I am not in that situation. Though I definitely get annoyed when I can charge Ipads or Smartphones. I'm sure many people would agree that can be quite annoying

Don't get me wrong I am quite aware that we currently have a drought. That has nothing to do with the government. I do though wish they would attempt something to help the matter. I can't imagine how under privileged people in SA are surviving this. Fortunately we are in a position where we can go to a shop to buy water. Not very many people have that luxury. Suppose this should be the part where we come together and unite in this. Help our fellow brethren. It costs most people nothing, but mean the world to others.

Funny when I watch television and see things things people are whining about it. We have become ungrateful brats. How often (if ever) do we take a moment out of our busy days and just be thankful for what we have.

Before you go to bed tonight make a list of all you have to be grateful for before you close your eyes.